DDK - Die Deutschen Klassiker

This lot is a golden oldie bunch which I'm sure goes back to the days when Qantas were operating 1049G's but I thought a re-visit could be in order.
Following flights the Qantas pilots filled out a dossier which advised the engineers of any problems they had encountered during the operation. Comments and responses from the engineers are shown and as far as I know all are genuine.
Pilot: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
Engineer: Almost replaced left inside main tyre
P: Test flight OK except auto-land very rough
E: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
P: Something loose in cockpit
E: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield
E: Live bugs on order
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200ft per min descent
E: Difficult to reproduce problem on ground
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
E: Evidence removed
P: DME volume unbelievably loud
E: DME volume set to more believable level
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
E: That's what friction locks are for
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode
E: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
P: Suspected crack in windshield
E: Suspect you are right
P: Number 3 engine missing
E: Number 3 engine found on right wing after brief search
P: Target radar hums
E: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
P: Mouse in cockpit
E: Cat installed
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
E: Hammer taken away from midget

Excellent...particularly love the last two lines...

Brilliant first heard of these as responses to helicopter pilots during Vietnam War.

Flight engineers had a very poor opinion of pilots who were only there to wreck the helicopters they were trying to maintain