Confession

[Tosh]

Father Patrick had to take a trip to see the bishop, so had to leave young Deacon. To help him through his first confession, Father Patrick left the Deacon a list of what sins attracted what forgiveness at confession.

Come confession, the Deacon sat and listened
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have had impure thoughts about my neighbour"
The Deacon consulted his list... ah yes, impure thoughts
"Three hail Mary's and a Lord's Prayer"
"Thank you Father"

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I hit my wife in anger"
The Deacon consulted his list... ah yes, violence
"Three Hail Mary's and Two Lord's prayers"
"Thank you father"

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I gave my husband a blow job"
The Deacon consulted his list... blow job, blow job.... no. Nothing about blow jobs.
Panicked, the Deacon leaned forwards and whispered to one of the choirboys

"Jimmy. What does Father Patrick give for a blow job?"
"I don't know about the other boys but I usually get a can of pop and a Mars bar"